By Marty Barnes
The Mighty
If you are anything like I was 10 years ago, when you hear the term “post-traumatic stress disorder” or “PTSD,” you picture a soldier coming back from war. You picture this soldier with night terrors and rage as he or she deals with the traumatic images and experiences he/she may have encountered on the front line.
• What is PTSD?
I talk with a lot of medical students and new parents about some of my earlier experiences with my daughter, but I don’t talk about them a lot publicly. There are a few things that happened in the first two years of being a mom that took me to a dark place. Once I found my way out of the darkness, I began trying to help others find the light as well. I’ve talked before about grief and the Stages of Adaptationand how these have an impact on parents of children with complex needs. Today I want to talk a little about PTSD.
When I used to tell our story, I could not get through it without completely breaking down. As I would tell people about her birth and the first time I saw her, it would feel like I was reliving the entire thing. I could smell the juice the nurses would bring me to help hydrate while pumping, I could smell the alcohol they used to wipe everything down, I could hear the 10 different alarms all chirping their own melodies, I could see the pain in my husband’s eyes. Everything was vivid and so real. As I told the story time after time, I was taking myself through it all over again. This happened for about the first two years. I would be at the grocery store and hear a sound that would set me off, or maybe a family member would say something that would trigger an episode. I avoided places and people I knew would trigger an event. I had no idea what was wrong with me. I thought I was just sad and didn’t know how to get past it.
One day someone told me I was experiencing PTSD. What? I am not a soldier, I am a mom. I had no idea someone like me could end up with that diagnosis. Trauma is a scary and real thing. My daughter’s intense delivery, and being told day after day that my child would not survive the night, was traumatic. With a diagnosis, I realized I was not alone and that many parents of medically complex children, and many parents of children who start life in the NICU, suffer from PTSD.
If you are reading this and thinking “That’s me, that’s what I am going through,” please know you are not alone and you can get through this. Once I understood why I was not able to get past the early events in my daughter’s life, I was able to address my issues, and I did eventually get to a place where I can tell our story without reliving it. Some people are able to work through this on their own, but therapy may be needed in many cases too. There are many therapists who specialize in helping parents of children with complex medical issues. If you are having a hard time getting through it, there is no shame in asking for help.
It’s so true … after my 2 week old daughter needed a long stretch in the peds ICU at Stanford’s Lucille Packard’s children hospital I was a nervous wreak. When we got back home it wasn’t much better .. Between feedings and treatments that needed to be around the clock I hardly slept. The sound of apnea meters and other alarms made me so stressed.
TV Then the bills started coming in. Even though we had insurance we still ended up with a quarter of a million dollars in medical bills that we were supposed to pay.. ( will that be cash or check for payment ?)
PLEEASE!!
My daughter is now 34 and basically healthy but it was a struggle her first 5 years.
Nobody knows what it’s like unless you have gone thru it.
Thank you for this article . I hope other families get support realizing it’s not just them. They are not “ weak” because it’s hard.
Oh my gosh! I have had ptsd since my son was born 29 years ago. I still deal with his behaviors and psychology appointments,and medical and staff, but I power through because the love I have for this young man is s strong I feel I can do anything!!:)